All relationships – especially our romantic ones – experience conflict from time to time. Sometimes issues are easily worked through, and sometimes it takes an objective, third-party to help you understand what’s really going on and how to get through it.
Oftentimes the issues in a relationship are perpetual issues – they’re never going away. Instead, you and your partner have to figure out how to best manage these perpetual issues in a way that works for both of you – how to dance the dance that works for your relationship. If the dance you have been dancing doesn’t work anymore, it’s time to find a new dance.
Sometimes the issues we face in relationships are a result of stored up irritability, frustration, and anger that we ultimately become resentful about. Relief and true connection can take place when both parties share their grievances, the origins of the grievances are better understood, and a new plan is put in place to manage these patterns of behavior when they begin to pop up again.
Oftentimes when people point the finger at their partner or spouse, wanting them to do something different, it’s the perfect platform for learning more about yourself. Why are you frustrated with the other’s behavior? What is that behavior bringing up for you? Does it remind you of something your mother, father, or sibling said or did when you were growing up? Grievances about another person is the perfect opportunity for exploring yourself and gaining deeper self-awareness.
And let’s not forget all that is good in our relationships. Sometimes we focus solely on the negative aspects of our relationships because they hurt the most or make the most “noise”. What you feed, grows. When we shift our focus and start listing all the good things, we can put the not-so-good things into better perspective.